Perhaps it's another rash move.

If you ever get to read this blog, which I reckon you wouldn't have, I don't even think you actually read my main blog. I might be wrong though. As much as people I've talked to told me that you planned to leave us, I still think that you didn't.

I only hope you could prove them wrong, but things don't look good.

The time when you didn't give us your new phone number was telltale. But I still think that you were a great friend.

I've never felt so sad for losing a friend alright? Everyday I hold on to the hope that this is only temporary.

I wished I had a private blog like this when I had to rant the other day. You probably wouldn't have known, and I could let the anger off.

I still feel indignant about not being to explain on my part. I feel that you're trying to find excuses.

It's okay if you hate me. I don't know what I did to get that, you know. You haven't explained everything.









I still hold on to that lone ray of light that we could still be friends again.
I don't think before I do anything. It's a characteristic flaw I possess.
For that ray of hope, I live.
I thank you for enlightening me, for being my friend in that few short months. It has been the happiest days of my secondary school life. I prayed that I wouldn't lose you all.

I did in the end. I resent that. Could I have done anything? To salvage the friendship?

Friendship

is a Blessing

It means so many things

Words could never really tell

The joy that friendship brings.

Friendship is a Bond of Faith

That even time can't sever.

A Gift to last

throughout our lives...

Friendship is forever

You've been in my room right? That's what I first thought too.

But now it's waning. Stop it, will you?

Nobody understands, ain't it?

I know I'll be asking too much, if I say that I've never had a day where I was so happy that I'll be smiling from ear to ear. Come to think of it, I don't even smile like that. My smiles are all ugly.

Are you serious people when you say I look nice? I don't know.

It seems like the everything's my mistake. What about I disappear? I know I shouldn't. But life's depressing. Having to put on a smiley face everyday is so wtf. Behind the smiles, are all the stuff that I've been bottling. It seems that I hate everyone. I don't know. I'm stressed from 'O' Levels, my sister, all she does is to be rude at me.

One day, ONE DAY would be enough for me. Just get her disappearin'.

Also, ONE DAY would be enough. I just want to be enclosed in a room for 24 hours, sleeping throughout. I've never done that before. I WANT to do that. You know why? So that I'll make less mistakes in that 24 hours, hear less rubbish from other people. IT'S JUST BECAUSE OF THAT. All I want, is just that.

And all I know is that friends are disappearing around me. One has. I still cannot forget the days where we were so happy. I demand a reason. Someone give it to me. Please. I want to KNOW what I've done to get this. My fears when I sleep had came true. I was afraid that these closest friends I have would disappear. And so, one did. Was it my fault?

My fear is still that.

Whatever you say, you say that I'm dependent, whatever. I don't care. I don't know what to do. I'm lost, and no one is there to help me. Sometimes, I feel like giving it up.

So many times have I contemplated suicide. I am quite sure I wouldn't do it. But no one is that sure about what hasn't happened, except the guy up there.

God, I've prayed to you. Give me an answer.

Now we have a kthxbye relationship. What is this? Friend, if you know what I'm talking about and you're reading this, I still treat you as a friend.

I am the kind of person whom you have to TALK to first before I will. You have to talk first IF you still treat me as a friend. I still do.

Dear friend, are you there?

Something that I could rant about.

If you came through my main blog, you'll know that I usually rant there. However, there are some rants that can't be published through that blog. Cos, no matter how little people know about that blog, I cannot publish some of my even deeper thoughts in there. I hope I made this decision correctly.

I've been toying with the thought of making this private blog. Though I'll put a link on my main blog (which, I currently haven't) it'll be hidden. Like not an obvious link uh. So yeah. I hope someone actually reads it, cos no point having this blog private when I want to rant and nobody knows, so it's still bottled up. (In my humble opinion.)

The main blog's link is ibullymyblog. Considering that this blog is gonna take even worse things I've penned, I'd christened it iabusemyblog.

So many things that I wanna say, but considering their feelings and how they would feel when others read it, I felt the need to use a new blog. So if you know me personally and you've found this blog, please tell me yeah.
That's about it.

Oh I'm not going to create a tagbox for this. Comment or email me, please.
It's highly probable that this blog may go for a long hiatus. Cos it depends on what happens to my mundane life. Well, I'd thank you very much if you read this blog and agree with what I say, though I think that's not gonna happen. It's precisely because I don't have a friend that knows what or how I really feel about something, that's why I need to write it out.


Perhaps, ten years down the road, I'll laugh at myself for creating this blog. It's okay. All I need is a friend who'd listen, not talk.