Nobody understands, ain't it?

I know I'll be asking too much, if I say that I've never had a day where I was so happy that I'll be smiling from ear to ear. Come to think of it, I don't even smile like that. My smiles are all ugly.

Are you serious people when you say I look nice? I don't know.

It seems like the everything's my mistake. What about I disappear? I know I shouldn't. But life's depressing. Having to put on a smiley face everyday is so wtf. Behind the smiles, are all the stuff that I've been bottling. It seems that I hate everyone. I don't know. I'm stressed from 'O' Levels, my sister, all she does is to be rude at me.

One day, ONE DAY would be enough for me. Just get her disappearin'.

Also, ONE DAY would be enough. I just want to be enclosed in a room for 24 hours, sleeping throughout. I've never done that before. I WANT to do that. You know why? So that I'll make less mistakes in that 24 hours, hear less rubbish from other people. IT'S JUST BECAUSE OF THAT. All I want, is just that.

And all I know is that friends are disappearing around me. One has. I still cannot forget the days where we were so happy. I demand a reason. Someone give it to me. Please. I want to KNOW what I've done to get this. My fears when I sleep had came true. I was afraid that these closest friends I have would disappear. And so, one did. Was it my fault?

My fear is still that.

Whatever you say, you say that I'm dependent, whatever. I don't care. I don't know what to do. I'm lost, and no one is there to help me. Sometimes, I feel like giving it up.

So many times have I contemplated suicide. I am quite sure I wouldn't do it. But no one is that sure about what hasn't happened, except the guy up there.

God, I've prayed to you. Give me an answer.

Now we have a kthxbye relationship. What is this? Friend, if you know what I'm talking about and you're reading this, I still treat you as a friend.

I am the kind of person whom you have to TALK to first before I will. You have to talk first IF you still treat me as a friend. I still do.

Dear friend, are you there?